In Spirit and in Truth

My birthday was a few days ago. I woke up feeling a little weak and woozy. Gone was the instant joy that once oozed from my fingertips on the celebration of my day of birth. I knew I had entered another aspect of life. I have reveled in my mature for the past few years and changed seats. Changed seats? Yes, changed seats. I've gone from sitting cross-legged at the feet of elders and now stand behind them to the right, ready to get for them anything that they might require. I have become a vehicle to bridge standing knowledge with new ideas and forward movement. I like this place and I'm proud to have grown into a daughter whose hands elders will eat from. I appreciate the freshness, potential and courage of youth, as well as see their errors in direction. Fortunately, I have acquired enough stature that I can actually reprimand and make suggestions that will be considered. This is no simple fete. I am thankful for the opportunity to serve and share.

As I get older, I get older. I make plans and consider the implications of these plans. This is a great help in the matter of deciding how I will love henceforth and how I will live said love. There was a time when I evaluated suitors based on income, life station, number of children and level of attractive. As I mature, I realize the things I want and require are actually much simpler than the big hoopla everyone has come to make of this men and mating business. I think of my grandparents and I think about my grandfather. He was not a showy man when I knew him, he was a devoted man. He went to work, helped raise his children, played his numbers and rocked out with his wife. There marriage lasted 69 years, until his death, late last year. They did not have an ideal situation, but I did see them actually grow into love. The strength of their marriage rested on them becoming friends and becoming one another's constant. They developed a deeper love and it had nothing to do with romance.

I want romance, just as much as the next woman, however, I understand romance may not be that which endures for the long haul. People site economics, changing lifestyles, and the excitability of black women among the reasons for the low marriage rates, but I think there is something else that happens and is rarely examined. Part of this something else is the perpetual adolescence black men are encouraged to adopt. I once dated a gentleman who told me he was very happy that he had no child support payments, kept waves in his hair and was still able to stay fresh. This person was 43 years old at the time. I have also been pursued by men in their late 30s who revealed they had felony charges as part of their "g". There is a level of urgency these men do not feel which results in a lack of planning and preparing for the future. This doesn't reflect a lack of love of black women. It does demonstrate a lack of self love and a large degree of uncertainty in regard to the future. While I don't advocate any woman becoming a savior for these kinds of men, I do step back and acknowledge that something has to change in regard to how black boys are being grown.

I have two sons and I want them to be good men. Plain and simple. With this, I understand the responsibility I have in helping them be that. I make them do chores, but I also speak to them about women, about friendship, about being able to take care of themselves, about people who care for them and how real friends behave. My hope is that they are able to know who they are from within themselves, and are able to bridge that with who they want to be and will have to become for the world that awaits them. I have created simple steps of accountability in this regard for them and adhere to them as closely as possible.
1. If they fail a grade, summer school, night school, whatever is necessary WILL happen to bring the grade up,
2. If they impregnante someone, they will marry that girl.
3. We discuss rationale behind decisions they make and we discuss the feelings behind what has happened. these are my ways of combating the closed nature many black men seem to carry. As a woman, their mother, I feel this is the best gift I can give them and the world. It is my blessing, and expression of thanks. I've chosen to do it this way because they will at a minimum have a frame of reference to refer to OR ignore. I'm too old to not do this...

SxLv and Simplicity:Reviving MY Sacred Nature

SxLv and Simplicity was an incredible session. Perphaps one of my favorites so far. I approached the evening from a space of service, joy and clarity. I had but ONE intention, keep command of the discussion: excavate. Don't go off on too many tangents, focus on the topic, and offer Points of Consideration as takeaways. As SxLvTlk grows, I realize there are a few things about it that scare the hell out of me.

One of those things is the highly personal nature of this work, another is the fact that it forces me to examine my own actions and intentions, the biggest fear perhaps is that I absolutely love being used to "Speak the Unspokens" and am surprised when someone is impacted on an inner level by the talk. Its incredible to me. Every time someone says,"Thank You" I am amazed. Probably because I know the Oshun and Yemaya of it. (I refer to Oshun as the party and Yemaya as the work to make the party happen if I'm at a loss for a really quick and dirty explanation of these powers.)

Insights I gained from the last session, incredibly lively and profound were the following:

1. Each person's experience, while unique to them, contains overlapping qualities that allow for group consenus, this helps gauge validity of challenges and moments of triumph.

2. Love IS absolutely alive and wanted in the Black & Brown community, but some of us have wandered a bit off course from the family/community building part,

3. We may need to return to Courtship and Counsel before we make any irreversible lovechoices.

With that, this past week forced me to examine incongruence between my "Ms. Sherry" and my "Black Woman working to have the life she desires and deserves." I have made firm decisions regarding where I want to be in regard to life and love projects. I have identified my perfect him, I have even written my list and re-defined my non-negotiables. I have maintained a vibrational frequency to which he must resonate in order to not only find me, but keep my attention long enough to curry my favor.

Why then has every other energy found a way to contact me and request not only conversation, but audience?

Initially, I thought it was because the Creator didn't agree with my decision and was presenting other options for me to explore. I investigated the energies and upon conclusion of said investigations, I laughed. I realized there were areas I have grown in and certain things, I just cannot entertain. I am definitely on a different road. The love projects I take on at this point, have to match and compliment the woman I am and become. They must be pure and simple. Through this, I can call the sacred. THAT is what i strive to achieve in my love. While this is different, THIS is what builds self, supports the beloved and lays foundation for longevity. I have experienced bright bursts of ecstasy that have burned out mostly due to my inability to bend love's lens toward an angle that would refract rather than reflect or diffuse luminosity. I now stretch my arms wide and trust my vision and judgment so that prisms find me and turn my white light into rainbows.

I no longer place the responsibility for my happiness on others and have trained myself in the feeling of happiness, purpose and joy. As I fail to get the responses that provide me with encouragement to proceed, I actively search for the good in this regard. I was expecting a call that didn't come for some time. Anxiety began to set in and I refused to let my emotions push me into a tailspin of explosive reaction. What I did do was, search my mind for all the examples I knew that invalidated my anxiety and gave myself a "spoonful of sugar". While my emotions said, "The call hasn't come because he doesn't want us," my mind shot back, "NO. God has given us someone who loves us to the degree that he makes sure he is in alignment with his best self before he shares our company." This was no small task. After 3 failed long-term relationships I was left with incredible doubts regarding my desirability and womanhood. Particulary wondering about the proverbial "they"; "I know "they" think I can't keep a man.", "I know they probably wonder what's wrong with me.", "They probably think I'm loose," and while this may or may not be true, it isn't "their" responsibility to make my life work, it's mine.

These worries didn't serve me well, nor did they get me to the place I needed to be to see the changes I made manifest. I kept not only my new train of thought, but also the memories of the innocence that welled up in me when I thought of the caller, and the giggles he drew out of me. He called up my girl and in her lives my faith in what is possible...she is the dreamer of me. I had to challenge my internal "they" and strengthen my resolve to build Me, with this...I could forge new tools to lay new roads to walk upon. Lesson?
Keep it simple. The big things we want: good health, financial security, loving mates, productive, innovative children are created from the small choices we make. Consistently check your perspective, challenge your negative, self-protective thoughts. Trust your instincts and your growth. You won't make the same mistakes if you've been paying attention. Appreciate the opportunity to learn, grow and change. The blessing of Simplicity is its pure access to the gateway of the Sacred.

Getting Better With Time

Thanks to Romeyer. A beautiful woman who had the gumption to check this site only to find it hadn't been updated and had no new information on what SxLvTlk was doing or how it was progressing. My first paragraph has to be dedicated to apology, and apology without excuse. RuthWorks Talk & Training has been in existence for nearly three years and I have yet to list a calendar of events. This perhaps due to fear, an assumed lack of interest, and on occasion, fleeting commitment. Romeyer's diligence and ability to be vocal about it, has pushed me to a place of understanding AND accepting the responsibility of being a person with an agenda, who has used various platforms to communicate that agenda to a circle larger than my own mind and thoughts. March seems to be when I get the energy to create and move forward. Perhaps because it is my birth month, perhaps because it is when Spring occurs, in any event, this is my renewed commitment to regularity and becoming a constant in the now saturated realm of relationship "experts".

I am not a relationship expert. I am a Black Love Advocate. This, is the only disclaimer I will offer in regard to Black Love: No, I do not have anything against other races, ethnic groups, creeds- I only offer Black as a point of origin. It has been long established that Black is the first human color created (go back to History class and the Mesopotamian "Eve", or science class tracing Black Woman as the Mother of Civilization.) With this, the cause I champion is that of Black/Brown Love and Family as those are groups I see hardest hit in the areas of family stability and youth achievement. I am somewhat lovestruck in that regard, wondering always how to inspire youth to their highest potential, and understanding that the love between Black Men and Women is the battery that will propel progress, innovation and accomplishment.

Now, SxLvTlk is happening on this Saturday, March 19, 2011 in Mount Vernon. The topic is SxLv and Simplicity. In researching, I have found courtship rituals from the Ancients, however, courtship rituals for the Black American South are difficult to come by. Courtship rituals for the current day and age are extremely varied and seem to be a mish-mosh of everything else. I understand in theory that is what makes up the allure of America, it's ability to be a "melting pot" or as my 11th grade History teacher, Mr. Chustek called it, "a mixing bowl", however, this lack of system and overall community is keeping us at a disadvantage- thus making forums like SxLvTlk -Together Apart-Steve Harvey and everyone else the safe spaces people turn to as they search for the magic bullet to a happy, successful relationship.

SxLvTlk doesn't offer that. SxLvTlk offers a space to explore possibility, a forum to identify one's own lovestyle and needs that encompass that. Our ONLY objective is to help people get honest about what they need so they can be honest and stop choosing inappropriate partners. This will decrease STD/HIV infection rates, unwanted pregnancies and overall broken hearts. This I offer with the prayer of my own heart, to find my truths, receive the Divine Selection for my body and soul and through my own inability to continue living dishonestly allow others the strength of their own convictions, and courage to cross their own thresholds. In Spirit and Truth. Thank You Romeyer