Martin, Christopher, Barack

January. A month of great men. Certainly, there is the birthday of the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Jr, the release of Notorious, a glimpse into the person of Christopher Wallace, and the Inauguration of Barack Obama-44th President of the Untied States of America. Say what you will, but these three men have made significant contributions to American culture and to the way Black people are viewed by other cultures. What is interesting to me, in the intergenerational impact.

We can look at these three and say, "Wow! There is a figure that speaks to a specific point in time in the history of Black American culture." Martin for the elders, Biggie for the adults, and Barack for the children who will inevitably take the sacrifices forgranted. In a way it's great because they will not suffer the mental and psychological anguish of "it'll never happen because of...". In a way it will be awful if we do not instill in them that these strides were not easily attained but were the result of hard fought battles and incessant crashing against boulders until they became mere stone and pebble. This, I often think has been the failure of those who propsered as a result of the Civil Rights Movement, Black Power Movements. In an effort to spare their children the hardship and pain, they didn't discuss the struggles and created a world where their children were isolated in worlds of privilege and prestige. With this came the creation and birth of Biggie.

There really was no reason for Biggie to exist. Not in the wake of civil rights and the black power movement, however, he did and that was due to no one really wanting to address the disparities still existent in the worlds of haves and have-nots. Nope. The lower rungs on the climb to success and equality were quite nicely under/over looked until it seemed that the women, black and white were choosing these kinds of men to love and submit to. I like to think that it is due to the roughness these men still possess. That warrior energy that unfortunately was used for the wrong purposes, however, the redemptive qualities of both music and success demonstrated to Mr. Wallace that life is to be lived and enjoyed. For me, this last was really an intense point of reflection. As a recipient of the benefits awarded by the civil rights and black power movements, a female counter-part of the "endangered black male" and proud mother and educator, I give thanks at the privilege of being so thoroughly allowed to witness these mens existence, but moreso, to understand and acknowledge that history is made constantly.

We just never seem to understand that our actions are constantly making and shaping it.

Perception is Reality

I did it. In my attempt to be witty and cute, I sent a friend a message that was intercepted by his significant other. Completely innocent, however, it fanned flames that I'm sure more than a little bit of water was required to quench. Even upon speaking with the young woman, I could hear the agitation, frustration and suspicion thick in the air. Even after hearing him tell me pretty much to "hit the bricks" I knew things were not well in Wonderland. I hung up the phone and was amazed that I had gotten a telephone call that catapulted me back to adolescence. Initially, I was in disbelief, but then I realized a few things:
1. I've been that woman whose man had female friends- one of them even innocently called my house. I was told, "She's just someone I get nice with." I didn't believe it and low and behold, she is my son's sister's mother (yes, it is as confusing as it reads). Yes, men (and women) can have alternative agendas and yes, sometimes women do disregard the fact that a man is involved and creep with him anyway.
2. Sometimes what it looks like IS EXACTLY what it is... and
3. In the words of Randy Pausch, author of the Last Lecture, "It's unlucky, but it's not unfair."
Someone probably deserved that "scream on", unfortunately, in this wrong case, it happened to be me,
4. You take care of what matters to you.

This last may be the reason why my own love relationships have had varying degrees of success in the extreme. I'm not that woman. I don't call women, or check e-mail accounts, or pick up phones reading text messages. I think this has often made the men I've been involved with think two things: I didn't care about them, and I was doing my own "dirt."
Perception and perspective are relative to experience and understanding. Neither of which has been the case. It just isn't my style. Interestingly enough, it was this same person who taught me when you look for trouble, you will definitely find it. Never quite being socially adept, I realize my naivete in these situations in regard to protocol. More than that, I realize that technology has assisted people in their ability to have lives and relationships completely separate from what they experience in waking reality. As the BlackLove Advocate, I realize that I have to be much more sensitive and much more acute in my outreach--even in my own (no pun intended) affairs.

In any case, I've decided to be much more accountable for decisions I make and how I choose to communicate with people by asking three simple questions:
1. How can this message be perceived?
2. What is the intention of this message?
3. If it is received incorrectly, am I able to deal with the negative feedback which
may result? I am thinking this mini-checklist will prevent me from having any repeat manifestations of this instance. As you all know, that which we do not learn, we repeat. Why? Because the Universe, God, the Creator, et. al want to make sure we make choices that allow us to live the lives we were created to, without being distracted, or being distractions.

REALLY, these guys are just my friends. No, really. I mean it. See? It's in the perception.

dreams of love-- the contract

I can't help it. I'm obsessed. Kind of like Veronica in the movie, Dangerous Beauty (if you can find it, watch it!) As she was being questioned by the Inquisition she said she found herself plagued by, "the dream of love". The dream of love, what is it really? Is it that thing that we talk about, the meeting of the certain One with whom we shall share the most intimate bonds of our soul's existence? Or is it really just that moment people hope to reach when they are intertwined in a sweaty embrace, making all of that "other stuff" nonsense? I don't know, but I have always known that there is a certain something that makes us feel as though, "Yes, this is worth the effort."

I went to visit my brand spanking new niece yesterday! I call her Trevlyn (my brother is named Trevor, like Wonder Woman's love, Steve Trevor). She is the cutest! I looked at her and my sister in law(who is deliriously happy-husband, house, kids) and thought, "Wow! Maybe I should stop fighting the inside of myself and just settle down. I know really good men who want to marry me, really, really badly."


But then, I thought of my life, my dreams and desires and had to be really, really honest...I'm simply not in that place.A very large part of me is like Karaba from the movie, Kirikou and the Sorceress (get it and watch it) who said, "I will not be any man's servant"after he asks her to be his wife. Perhaps it is because I became a mom, a for real mom at a young age, and because I have attempted to move in the direction of The Real Things Adults Do and found it to be beautiful, but not as fulfilling as I needed to not regret sacrificing my blood for it. Too many women do I hear from who say things like, "I didn't know that it was going to be like this," or "God! How are we supposed to make all of this stuff happen with no help?!" Times are different, but role expectations are not. I don't know if that is good or not, I just know that that is how it is. Men, are not expected to cook, clean, maintain a home, raise children, and still go out and work for 8-12 hours a day. Women are. This is true. I have spoken to many men who are married to and involved with women who absolutely hold their own in the areas of work, bringing money into the home and being the trophy many men seem to want and the men's most common complaint is, "She ain't even have no meal ready and waiting for her man!" This is said with incredible amounts of passion, too! I always wonder, "What kind of agreement and understanding did this couple create before they began this venture?" Quite often, I think, there is no agreement. THAT, I think is often to the couple's detriment.

Me? I don't want a man out there, "slaving" for me, but I do want a person to be honest...at the onset. Clear in their intent, confident enough to present the reality of themselves, secure enough to know that an argument is not always a bad thing, and open enough to have fun-good, clean fun on the journey to Whoknowswhere. I know my main errors. They have been moving too quickly, and ignoring the tiny voice that says, "Nope. Watch that. He is NOT ready for what he claims to want." That part, is always where I say I have, "dared the devil". Not one to run, my princess has often been known to say, "NO! I know he doesn't have a job, he doesn't have an apartment of his own, and he doesn't really have a good grasp on who he is as a person but, he has a good intention and I see a lot of potential, so...I'm going to give him a chance!" You have to play to your strengths and overcome the areas that are challenging. I know my challenges.

If a man is a good speaker-yeah, he talks a good one, I am all ears. I love to communicate, I love to talk, I love to learn. That, piques my interest. If he claims to love the Creator? Forget it. You can knock me over with a feather, The Creator of All Things has always been my number one object of affection and devotion. Tell me you are striving to have a closer relationship with: God, Iehovah, Yahweh, Jesus, Buddha, Shiva, the Am that I Am, Allah, et al and we can commune, fellowship, build for eons. And the most detrimental piece of my quagmire...S-W-A-G! OOOHHH, how I love a man with a presence. Money, and toys are nice, but I have been known to give sanctuary to men who had incredible amounts of charm and charisma due to their sheer magnetism. Now that I know that, I take responsibility for my choices and I keep myself under careful guard because I have a tendency to acknowledge all of these things about them, however, I forget who it is that these Fine Sirs are approaching. I am nothing to sneeze at. Not by a long shot (I'm feeling sort of retro right now), that, however is another post.

My point is, Trevlyn is the perfect representation of the Dream Fulfilled. Her auntie is working to define the terms and conditions of sliding down the rainbow and into her Own Pot of Gold! To Trevlyn!