Imperfect Essentials

I am secretly reveling in the fact that I have not declared a public campaign or thrust myself into a major self-promoting plug rampage. I have remained true to my mission and I have been quite introspective regarding this blog, SxLvTlk and Smart<3Tlk. The overall premise of me being the Black Love Advocate is my desire to see beautiful unions between people, but moreso, beautiful unions between people and their hearts, missions and psyches. I have been in many conversations with people about SxLvTlk and the reason why it exists. The primary questions people ask are, "Are you married or in a committed relationship?" and "Are you a relationship expert?" My answer to the first is a resounding, "Yes," and my answer to the second is , "Absolutely not." The journey is on-going. It strikes people as funny that a person who labels herself the Black Love Advocate is not in a marriage or committed love relationship. I don't think it should if we are being honest. No relationship is stagnant. All relationships, legally recognized, informally agreed upon and consumated go through changes. I am thoroughly incomplete from the perspective that I am in process and am always working to understand who I become and how my lovestyle, desires, wants and non-negotiables redefine and reform themselves. I have been fortunate in that I always am changing and growing. I welcome the expansion, even when the actual molding is uncomfortable. Most often, only what is absolutely essential remains. This too, is true of SxLvTlk.

SxLvTlk began as an idea in 2007. Inspired by Dr. Joy DeGruy-Leary, Jawanza Kunjufu, Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis and my grandparents, I wondered what happened that I could not name 10 couples that had been together for 5 or more years, majority of those years being happy. I worked my idea a few different ways, specifying as I went. Should the lien be jovial? Should it be like a workshop? Should I have panelists? Should it be like a therapy session? Should the focus be carnal? Do I take the lead or be more of a background player? I hammered out a basic format that I shared with the world on May 15, 2009, in the Bronx. The first session was, "Breaking Ice and Breaking Through." Since then, SxLvTlk has changed a bit, becoming a healthy mix of conversation, game night, cocktail party, and visiting with people who become friends. As we enter our fourth season, there are some things that I have come to accept as well as embrace.

1. People require time and connection. This meaning, something that has changed is the amount of time we are willing to invest in truly getting to understand ourselves and others. I'm always amazed by the responses I receive from simply remembering people's names and making phone calls to follow-up.
2. I will always approach discussions from a carnal and spiritual place. I am not unable to separate the two. The quest for union with the Divine is eternal, the way we give expression to that energy is through the material. As quickly as I say, "Ache", I can say, "Damn that." I don't see contradiction there, simply because I am unable to limit the ability of spirit to Move. I will say, some situations require more of one and less of the other.
3. The freedom that draws people to me, may keep them from my program. As I accept my idiosyncrasies and understand my motivations, my filter for fronting thins. The polite veneer adopted to make oneself palatable is not always the way by which I speak or live my truth. My choices are my own, I take responsibility for them, and in return I, Live and Let Live. I don't think everything is alright, but I acknowledge that I do not have the right to dictate to others what is right to them.
4. Discomfort usually means a nerve has been hit. I used to try and minimize conflict during SxLvTlk sessions, however, I have come to understand conflict can be used to help those having the conflict shift perspective and grow to broader understanding. It is often much more comfortable to remain in our boxes, than to round out our bends into a circle.
5. I rock the heck out of personal contact, seeing spirits and helping people recognize their strengths. Oh yes, I have a very, very good ability to see people. I am able to hear what they say, empathize and analyze, celebrate and select. It is one of the things I've been blessed with. For better or worse, I am able to pinpoint for others, missteps and help them get themselves back on track. Even those who "spitefully use and rebuke you." This, however, has helped me define my purpose and the rhythm I want my discussions to move on, and spirit I want them to embody.

With that, be on the look out for more personal contact from Ms. Sherry, Black Love Advocate and be prepared to open your mind and share the insights, questions and learnings of your soul, body and mind on this journey called, Life. In the words of my Madrina, "Life is not a dress rehearsal."